X-Normality
Paulo Coelho once said, "Tears are words that need to be written". And boy, oh boy, you could just imagine how many tears I've shed when I wrote this during the worst heartache of my life:
What is it with most men and strength
particularly at how much they possess it?
Empowered by this association, we ladies often cower
And sometimes we do wonder
Why most men consider women as weak at heart,
Emotional masochists as they may say so
when we possess much more strength than they have
Most men can be so narrow-minded at times when they measure strength
as to how much one tolerates alcohol intake
or how many hearts they break
when strength can be manifested by sharing views
with friends over bottles of beer and being true to one person
It isn’t boasting one’s libidinal assets
nor how one fools a girl to go to bed with him
It’s taking into consideration mind over libido
and recognizing women’s dignity over pleasure
It isn’t by counting the number of times you talk things over to
get what you want nor how well you make up
lame excuses for your faults
It’s considering other people’s needs other than yours
and valuing honesty as an expression of love
It’s not how one gets over by hiding or denying
nor how others find you passive in devastating times
It’s measured by the number of people who can cross your wall
and the freedom of tears to easily fall
Being strong is not being afraid to admit that one is weak
and is capable of feeling hurt, anger and fear
It’s shouting a recognized love without shame and admiring
simple things like the interlocking of hands felt as
the joining of souls
It’s admitting that one’s strength is one’s weakness
and other’s opinions do not exceed the opportunity of self-expression
It’s the submission to the fact that sensitivity doesn’t make one less of a man
but more of a human being
and recognizing the self not as a prison cell of reserved emotions
but as a garden of inner peace and strength………
Funny story. My ex of more than six (6) years invited me to his own wedding this May 14. He called me up in an unknown number, told me his name and I totally forgot who he was.. As in blank, nada--- #%&@ who??? He was like, explaining pa who he was, etc. etc. And I said, "Ahhh... oo diay.. What's up?" He wanted to have his wedding at the hotel I am working at, he wanted to ask for discounts, for old time's sake. And what's funnier is that his fiance didn't know he invited me. What's great about this story is how I see myself grow up to the person that I am now. When this was years ago, I would have been so devastated, so heartbroken and so emo I would write about heartaches and all the love that has gone into pitfalls...
C'mon, face it. We all have that one person who we devote our lives before, who we thought was the "one" when clearly all other signals say, "No, you idiot! You deserve better!" And yet, you force yourself to say, "I wouldn't last this long if I don't love him as much". Remember your first heartache, that first sharp stab on the heart that just says, "Waaa... patya na lang ko Lord!!!" Things that make you wonder you are worthless, you are crap, you are nothing. When all the stupid love and heartbreaking songs just fall into place-- and as fate would have it, they just follow you wherever you go, at the most unexpected places, and you just fall down, down, down.... Oh.. the wrath of heartache!
And now, do you remember those times when your heart is so full of love you could almost burst? That insane feeling and splurge of strength when you know that you can love again. When all those songs about being strong and learning to love again, or about moving on just follows you wherever you go. Love is so immense, it can break or make a person. It is always up to you. The bliss of love. All you gotta do is believe you deserve one. And grab it. Treasure the person who believes in it like you do. For it is a rare gift...
I wrote this because a common friend once asked me, "Unya unsa imong na feel?" hmmm...
Well, my ex may have given me lots of heartaches but then again he gave me good memories, too. He was a good person and a good friend. We just didn't click. Or we tried but it just didn't happen, you know. He's not for me. And I'm glad I was able to grow up and open my eyes. I am now married to that person I am crazy about. That person who would never ever break my heart, who was so patient enough to pick up every last piece of what was broken and made it whole... I guess it's his time as well to make his life whole, too.
In all honesty, I am happy for him. He deserves it. And I don't feel that anger or hurt anymore. I guess, this is what happiness is all about. To be happy, even for those who have hurt you. Without him, I would have never appreciated what I have now.
So for you my, ex.. If you read this, thank you. May you grab that bliss, learn love's lessons like I did from us and may you always treasure the gift of love that God has given you both.. Congratulations!
