Being Nick Fury
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| looking into the light- my angel |
He was happy. Like a big
boulder has been lifted off his whole body and now he is free. He looked at his
physical body and associated it as a worn-out rug and all he could feel was
pity. Pity because, in comparison to his new body now, it was like
indescribable perfection—without the pangs of dieting and heavy weightlifting.
And then he saw Bungee, his guardian angel. He was about to go to him but then
he stopped when he heard a cry of deep anguish.
“Paree… Paree… please don’t
leave me.. Please have mercy on me, God. Preee… “ He saw his wife hugging his
lifeless physical body and he stopped and looked at Bungee, his heart breaking
into pieces.. Without words, Bungee communicated with him heart to heart.
“She can’t be with you for
now.. Her time is not yet up.”
“But I can’t leave her like
this.. I’m happy but.. I know she will be devastated.. I can’t be there for her
anymore..”
Bungee smiled.
“Each person in our lives are
pre-destined, pre-planned to help us and nurture us to actualize our purpose..
“
“What do you mean by that”, he
asked, perplexed.
“Since you cannot be there for
her physically anymore, what do you think is God’s final gift to you on earth?”
And in a moment, he smiled and
said, “Ah yes, I get it… “
Bungee nodded in amusement and
said, “At your own choices, Lito. It’s your final gift for her, until you meet
again…”
He looked around and the first
person he touched was Malyn, Ara’s sister. Malyn wrapped her arms around her
older sister and cried with her and she just said, not knowing it was Lito
whispering with her, “I will be here Te. We won’t leave you behind.. You will
get through this…”
Malyn just held Ara’s hand
while she wept and wept.
Through her hand, Lito was
able to course all his love. He hovered over her and wiped her tears without
her knowledge. He looked at her and said, “Ssshhh… I will always be here
Paree.. I may not be there for you physically but I have left parts of me to
some people. You will know when the time comes. We will meet each other again.
Be happy, Paree. I love you, until eternity. I’ll take care of Levi, I’ll take
care of you through these pre-assigned people. Soon, you will understand… ‘Til
then Crazy wab… “ And then he hugged her so tight and kissed her forehead, her
eyelids, her nose, both her cheeks and her lips. He then motioned a nod to
Bungee saying, “I’m all set”.
In the physical world, Ara just felt a cold
wind enveloping her. She smiled amidst tears, nodded and said, “Til then Paree.
I love you so much…”
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| My angel. that scheming smile of his makes me wonder-- Could he have known? Had he planned some last things for me? |
***
This is what I want to
believe, a scene that I’ve been concocting in my heart and mind. I may be
creating my own world, and might be self-diagnosing schizophrenia. But it tides
me by. I would like to believe this.
You see, it is so uncanny and
it is so pre-planned how the people in my circle now remind me of Lito. It’s
like the opposite of Voldemort’s Horcruxes, like distributing bits and parts of
his soul to people who would help me in my misery of his absence. Each person
has their own message of Lito, like a walking quote cloud, like walking
post-its, walking reminders of his love for me.
 |
| Lito with my fam |
Like Malyn, for example. My
only sister. In lieu of the rest of the family, she reminds me of how Lito was
so supportive of how I love my family so much. She reminds me that I still have
reason enough to live and survive because my family still cares for me.
AG, Irene, and our Tyty, who
lives with me in our house, remind me of Levi, me and Lito, of how it would
have been had circumstances been better. My heart just melts seeing them
together, but not out of envy, but out of happiness, that I get to be a part of
their family, that I get to experience what was taken away from me..
Gerald and Janice reminds me
of Lito’s childhood, of how he was so passionate with what he sets his eyes
into. Their love for each other (the cute karinyong brutal) reminds me of how
we used to be as well. Gerald’s personality speaks so much of Lito was in terms
of computers, being a braggart (hambugero!), photography, etc.
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| Fafagraphy! |
Fafagraphy friends remind me
of how he used to be the life of the party, how he was able to gather everyone
around and remind us that it’s important to meet monthly and that these friends
are for keeps. Each member of Fafagraphy reminds me of how great of a friend he
was. He was the adviser, the joker, the confidante, the clown and he was a
leader.
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| with Mama MM and Fafa Ahia Ching |
MM (Ozamis) reminds me of Lito
as a photographer and how he was able to inspire his clients, his friends,
those he mentored. His photography speaks bounds, of his personality, not just
on how he angles his subjects but how he touches their hearts.
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| during Lito's 28th while he was in the US |
Lito's family from Papa, Mama,
Bryan, Stanly and Mona—they are constant reminders of the son that he was, how inspiring
and motivating and influential of a big brother that he was and how he values
his family as well. His cousins, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces, etc. also
remind me of how fun he was and how he can easily be approached.
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| cheap rigs. irie lan party |
Cheap Rigs. The Cheap Riggers
is an organization of computer hardware enthusiasts formed by Lito months
before he passed away. They remind me of how passionate he was with INSOtec, and
how he was as a businessman, how he treats each and every client like friends,
like he would spend time to each and every one, not minding that he doesn’t have
that much time. The Riggers remind me of how accommodating he was, of the
essence that above all, friendship should always matter—that people are not
bad, they just do bad things.
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| cheap rigs. original founders |
Even Jake, our “boy-boy”, reminds
me of Lito in that way he treats people equally no matter what status. He was supportive
of Jake, he trusted him as his assistant in his wedding assignments,
The Ninja Group- can you believe it has reached to 500 members? In less than a month to its FB Formation, these people from different walks of life has helped us in our journey. They have stayed, til now, even if their Ninja went to his Sensei..Most of them still text me and message me with encouragement, pushing me to see the better things in life, to look back at the past with a smile and to know that you have made a great impact in their lives. With them, I can see you pushing me to continue inspiring people.
Lastly, to my council of best friends—this, by far, is Lito’s pure ingenuity of coming up together with a group of friends from different aspects of my life, so different yet they bring one goal—to tide me by. Like, who else has a council of best friends? It’s hard enough to find one yet I have five! I love Lito’s final gift to me. It’s kind of forming the Avengers and sometimes, I smile at the thought, him acting like Nick Fury at this dark times—Team, we have a situation and we need to gather a set of mutated (LOL) individuals for this particular purpose. Hahaha..
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| with Bespren |
Belle (Bespren)—reminds me of
friendship longevity and patience. She exudes that characteristic of Lito who
patiently understands me in my rollercoaster of emotions, someone who just
keeps silent but you are confidently aware that no matter what happens she’s
there. The confidence arises from the fact that you have been friends for the
longest period of time, same as Lito and I.
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| with Jabee and Mysis |
Vianney (Mysis)—got that
motivating factor of Lito’s. She reminds me of Lito in such a way that she
encourages me to do the impossible. She also makes me laugh at my weaknesses
and yet helps me up. And beyond that exoskeleton of strength, we can just lie
in bed, talk about everything or talk about nothing and just cry.
Eda (Labing)—got both Lito’s
serious side and humorous side. She makes me laugh at the most inappropriate of
times—like in Lito’s wake (hahaha) or in the middle of tears falling. But above
that, she is the one who snaps me out of my stupor and just tell me straight—So,
what next? We talk about plans, what we should be doing in the future and how
God’s grace will always guide me to the right path.
JB (Jabee)- being the only
official “guy” of the council, got Lito’s manly protective nature. He is an
extension of my brothers, my bodyguard, you could say. He doesn’t speak much
but when he does, it’s straight to the point and can make you think. He reminds
me constantly that I was a good wife and that I was a good friend and tells me
that I deserve to be happy.
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| with Bru2x |
Norman (Bru)- Okay, how do I start?
Norman insists that he got Lito’s good looks. I disagree but he’s my Bru so let’s
give him that (Lito table flipping in heaven). First off, Lito got me really
good in Norman because he gave me someone named Norman. I had an ex named
Norman so I usually find it funny that one of the closest people in my life
right now is named Norman (hahahaha. Nice one Paree!). Norman is Lito’s
constant reminder that I am accepted for who I am, no matter how bratty or how
crazy I may become. He exudes an aura of love and protection, of being able to
sacrifice your time and love for a friend, even though sometimes that friend is
not worthy.
***
It has been 4months since he’s
been gone and so many times have I said that it’s not getting any better. The
memories just come rushing to me, like waves drowning me until I can no longer
breathe. However, I would like to think that Lito loved me enough that he must
have known that his absence will provide the darkest of times for me, that
moving on will be very hard. He always wanted me to be happy, it would make him happy that I will be okay. And maybe, I guess, he provided me with the best people during
the darkest of times. And with these people, you will forever be alive in my heart. For that, I am forever and eternally grateful, Paree… Thank
you. I love you until eternity...We will meet again..
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| at our place |
**
Happy New Year to all! :)
