Christmas with Anchovies

Dear Readers, 

I know that I have been out of touch lately. I tried to keep myself busy just to get my mind off things. I thought I was doing better but I am nothing near okay. Memories come flooding by at the most appropriate emo times-- like when I'm alone or when I'm about to sleep. His face, his smile, his voice, everything about him, is still embedded so much in my memory. It should be fresh still, after all, it's still 4months since he's been gone.

My Christmas was a bit melancholy but I tried to keep a smiling face because most of my loved ones tried their best to cheer me up and they deserve a smile from me. It is my first Christmas since he went away. I miss him so much. 

Here's a story that's been bugging my mind lately during the holiday season. The point of this story is-- Christmases might not be perfect but as long as you are in the arms of your loved ones, the spirit of Christmas lives. After all, Christmas is about love. 

I pray that you had a great Christmas and a bountiful New Year ahead... 

***

Banburry was such an alien place. It’s two hours down Perth, Australia and Lito and we drove there 3years ago, to have a change of scenery while our friends went on their pre-planned Christmas trips.

our family Christmas picture in Banburry

lots of grazing cows

Lito and I drove amongst fields of vacant lots, with lots of grazing cows, weird scarecrows and no convenient stores. To fight off the weirdness of it all, we turned on our music player and sang our hearts out.

It was the 24^th of December when we arrived at what seemed to look like a ghost town with no cars passing by and all the stores were closed. They said, most people fly off somewhere to spend their Christmases somewhere. Australia at this time has unpredictable weather but mostly dry.

weird scarecrows! yes this is their version of scarecrows hahaa

We scavenged the place for somewhere to eat and the only place open was a Chinese restaurant which served bland Chinese food. We laughed instead at our situation, as he told jokes about Chinese people. He said he will write all original jokes and he told me that he wanted to be a stand-up comedian.

Banburry-- the ghost town. :) 

pre-Christmas lunch at a "Chinese" resto

We toured the place and laid down on the road as there were no passing cars. Lito wanted me to feel  Christmasy, as this was his idea and it was my first Christmas away from my family. So he let me stay at our B&B place while he searched for the perfect Noche Buena food only to come back with cans of soda, junk food, a box of pizza and some ice cream. It was nearing midnight so after we Skyped our families and drooling at their food, I prepared his food “finds” and tried to make do with what he scoured.

When I opened the pizza, I closed it right away because I found out it’s anchovies. And we had this petty “lalis-lalis” over the pizza:

Me: Paree. The pizza has anchovies.

Him: Yeah I know. Eat na ta.

Me: But… do you even know what anchovies are?? You don’t even eat fish!

Him: Uhmm.. what are anchovies? They just sound so “sosyal”.

Me: Paree… it’s fish. Like ginamos. Spread all over the pizza. Smell this.

Him (with a silly grin on his face): Oops. Ice cream then?

Me (just stared him down)

Him: Okay, okay I’ll eat the pizza!

Me:  You better.

And he ate like 3slices even if his face had this funny eekie look on it. He gave up on the 3^rd slice and said:

Him: Okay, my bad… I’m sorry. Ice cream instead??

Me: Paree, you should have asked me or we could have gone together to order food.

Him: Yeah but I wanted you to rest. Please Mommy… (He was holding Levi and Muriel and let them kiss me all over my face until I laughed)

Me: Okay.. The important thing is we are together, right?

Him: Yes, Merry Christmas. I love you.

Prior to 2011, we would always refer to that Christmas as the eeriest and probably the saddest because we are alone in a ghost town, with a box of uneaten anchovies pizza and ice cream for Noche Buena.

Last year’s Christmas hit us hard because we just lost our son, Levi. I thought it was the saddest. We vowed to always be together in all our trials and to try again with another baby, to travel and to strengthen our businesses. Little did I know that the year after, 2012, I will be spending Christmas without him.

Lito would always joke around if I would like to go back to Banburry and spend Christmas there again. And I would always reply with a big resounding NOOOOO..

Lito on overspeeding. Charmed his way out with
 a grin and a singsong voice, "Merry Christmas, Officer!!!"

our Christmas "dinner"  hahaha

It’s ironic that during Christmas Eve and on Christmas day and this holiday season, I would give my everything just to have that eerie Christmas with you again—with the anchovies pizza, with the babies, with your silly grin, with you..

Merry Christmas, Paree.. I miss you so so much. I am sure you are just with the angels, laughing as you recall our memories and about Chinese restaurants and having that dreamy look when you talk about me. J Assuming much? I love you so so so much. Until eternity.

By the way, Paree… I got great gifts this year.. I am missing your flowers on special occasions.. I love you. I hope you can hear me talking to you every chance I get. 

Here's my song for you this Christmas: