The Untouchable Ninja

The Battle Updates: Lito's tweet at 4am says "I just had Extreme chills. One of the scariest times of my life" 
An hour before that, his fever rose to 38.7, he requested to turn off aircon and to double blankets. 
i gave him mine. He had chills, his lips were shaking, i have never seen him so pale.. 
Nurse gave him paracetamol only.I didn't know how else i can help but pray..i wish I can do more. 
So far, he's not alone in that feeling. It's one of my scariest, too. 


As of this writing, 9:39am, his fever is still in the 38 level. I have not slept yet because 
I am monitoring him. 
I know I need rest but who could sleep with the knowledge that your loved one is in pain? 


Soldiers, let's prove the Big C that with our prayers and our Big God, it is no match for our Ninja... 
I surrender my trust, I surrender my fear... All will be well, in Jesus' name... 
******************************************

I miss him.

He’s a few meters away from me. 

And I miss him.

Isn’t that crazy?

chained on both arms.. ewow Spidey!

Right now, he is snoring, sleeping his migraine off, body in a fetal position, and I have this urge to just hug him from behind like we used to. So, you say, “Go hug him!” If only I could, I would! But then, I can’t. We can’t. Our Ninja Masks are there to protect Lito from getting any infection. This also means that I may bring infection if we prolong any physical connection like hand touching or kissing or anything for that matter.

Yesterday morning, I read this tweet of his.

It gripped my heart that he felt the same way. Lito and I are touchy in a childish kind of way. We would do pillow fights and tickle each other and he would make me snort and laugh before we go to bed. We would talk to our “babies” before we kiss each other goodnight, hug, then go to sleep. Oftentimes, I would wake up not hugging him anymore and I am at my side of the bed.  As I am afraid of the dark, I then hug him from behind and I felt most secure that way. In the morning when we wake up, we would say our I love-you's. 

our crazy kisses... taken Sinulog 2010

It’s been a week since I last slept beside him. So right now, even if he’s just a few steps away from me, I miss his hugs, I miss his kisses, I miss us sleeping beside each other. So, I again ask. How can you show your love to someone if you cannot touch that person?

Oftentimes, we are too sure and too confident that the moments we have with the ones we love will just continue to exist. Sometimes, we take for granted the very things we usually do, not knowing these are what the heart seeks when we cannot have them anymore.  Had I known last January 1 that would be the last time in a long time since I could hug him again or kiss him again, I would not let him go and I would hold him tight. As I’m writing this, I feel the urge to reach out to you who is reading this to tell your partner or anyone who matters to you that you love him or you love her. Take time to reach out and give a hug, compliment one another, appreciate each other. Never hesitate or get tired of expressing your love when it's in your heart. You just don't know how blessed you are to be able to do that still. I, on the other hand, do not have that much freedom, sadly at a time when touch is very much needed-- I long to just embrace him at times when he's having chills or when he gets cold and just hold his hand when his migraine strikes. 

I remember a lecture from my Dad (my Dad, again! He is a great speaker, by the way, you should hear him talk!).  If your relationship is like a flower, water it every day. Do not let it wilt nor be too confident that you just leave it alone to grow. Nurture each other and never forsake each other. Do not wait that the flower is wilting before you decide to water it. These are the elements of romance, he says. And together, you are helping each other grow in order to live and appreciate life and all it brings.

I was very busy earlier attending to his needs—fixing the room, preparing his lunch, preparing his chocolate drink, wiping him clean and helping him get dressed. He was in his bed and he just looked at me and said, “Thank you for taking care of me, mywab…” I stopped dead in my tracks and I held his hand for a bit. And I said, “I love you”. We stared for a moment and I nuzzled his chin for a bit and he said, “I love you too…” At those few seconds, I felt my heart skip a beat. It was romantic. I didn’t need to kiss him or hug or anything to know that the love is there.  

I realized, to reach out and to touch another person’s heart, you don’t need to physically touch a person. And this is what I’ve been saying for the last few days. You don’t have to be there to BE THERE.  Instruments of love are always there in the form of a song, or a forwarded message or a boost of encouragement. We may not see you guys, you may not be able to give us that hug or that pat on the back but for sure, we have felt the love, so immense, that it urges us and gives us enough strength to go on every day, fighting, and moving on. You are made to be instruments for us. And we are forever grateful.

Reminiscing our honeymoon... Life is more fun with our friends (ninja soldiers)

I also realized that even if Lito can’t touch me (and vice versa), he has touched my life immensely. And I'm sure I am not the only one.  With him, I have learned that kindness goes a long way. This is evident with his many supporters, his Ninja Soldiers, all cheering for him to go on. I have learned that even if it might seem that we are at our lowest, we are still blessed because we’re together. I have learned from him that when he faces each day battling the Big C, he’s fighting not just for himself, but for me and for all those who love him. It takes great courage to smile and thank God for His blessings amidst the confusion and the pain, it takes great strength to touch lives.

my smiling hero.. :) 

This man, who I can’t touch for the meantime, has touched my life instead. He has saved my life by changing my perspectives on how I see it. This man right here is my hero, he’s my Wolverine and my Ninja, with powers surpassing mutant ones for he is an instrument in making me stronger, too. He affects me. And that, my friends, is more powerful than all the hugs and the kisses and the touching.  

After all, the best things in life cannot be touched but are felt deep inside the heart.

As for you my hero, my dearest husband, I may miss you but do know that I’m holding you here in my heart that’s chained to yours, until I can hold you in my arms.

Get well soon, fast.

I love you. I love you. I love you. J