The Fat Drowning Moron

It's funny that some people approach me and say, "You look healthy and well for someone with so many problems". By healthy, I would assume that was a nicer way to say that I have gained some weight. Yes, I do know. My husband even plays with my flabby tummy and I like that every night before he goes to sleep, he reaches under the covers for.. yes.. my tummy (what were you thinking?? haha) 

Had it been said before these things, I would have been insulted. Being the reactive person that I am, I would have said, "Are you saying that I should look thin, gauntly and ugly just because I have problems?" I am happy to say that things like this do not concern me as much. One of the things that has benefited me from all of this is that I have gained a clearer perspective on things. I do not react as much as I do, I listen more, I feel more and I empathize more. Little things do not get the best of me and I always remind myself what is  more important and what needs my attention more.

 My main goal right now is to stay as healthy as possible, even if that would add up to a few pounds. So, I'm stocking up with a lot of vitamins, eat as much healthy food as I can and be healthy for Lito. That would be one of my greatest gifts. It would be such an added burden for me to be sick as well. I am happy that on top of a few pounds, I never had a case of hypertension ever since Lito's diagnosis. And thank God, I have never been as healthy as I am at this time. So, yeah, I could live with the few extra pounds. 

It might be awkward for some to see me laughing my heart out over something and just be happy amidst suffering. Sometimes, I surprise myself with these affirmations of happiness. We are so accustomed to associate suffering with sadness. I say, it’s okay to be happy even in suffering. I dare say, be happy even, and most especially, in suffering.

It is only in seeing a clearer perspective that we can be happy in anything. It is so easy to be happy when everything goes well. What’s the challenge in that? But when things you love are stripped out of your hands, the challenge starts. And the challenge will never be done with success if you do it alone.

I have learned that only through allowing our Lord Friend up above to work in our lives that we find peace and happiness even amidst the storms. Without Him, our perspective is one-way: we only see the negative side. We tend to question, “Why? Why? Why?” And we end up confused. Angry. Lost.

I would like to see our Lord Friend as a buoy just floating nearby in the midst of the storms. If we do not reach out our hands for Him to help us gain perspective, we’d be like a drowning (insert: fat, haha) moron flapping our hands to stay afloat when there is just help nearby. We just have to learn to let go and let God.

There are times that the storms and thought of the past storms still scare me. There are times that I drown myself in misery and just cry myself at times. But so many times that I thought I have drowned, I have always been saved.  For in our challenges, there may be a lot of things to cry and be sad about. But then, there are more things to be happy about.

Like my Lito in remission, like being so in love it feels like we are still starting to date, like having new friends, like being able to inspire others, like being able to appreciate being alive, having a family, having the opportunity to have a child (even for 18days), like letting go of small stuff, like having food to eat on the table. There are still so many, many things to be thankful for that when we do our nightly prayers, we just smile and go to bed happy, thanking God of the blessings, instead of asking why bad things happen. 

We go to bed happy, we wake up happy. It's a cycle that makes everything else in between bearable.

To end, I was blogwalking and I saw this video of a very inspiring couple. Our Lord Friend has some amazing ways to put things back in perspective. This is so heartwarming and I encourage you to spend a few minutes of your time to watch this. I also ask that you pray for Ian and Larissa Murphy, people I don't know, but somehow, have touched my heart...

Had the roles been reversed, I know he would have never left me-- Larissa Murphy