Carl: A Eulogy
There are just so many memories that standing up here is a both a challenge and a pain, but most of all an honor to be given an opportunity to say something about the miracle of a life which is Carl's.
Let me start by sharing a recent thing that my little brother told my Mom. Arjo is like a son to Carl. Days ago, he was asked to play St. Benedict in their school play and he had diarrhea. He was worried. However, minutes after, he went to my Mom and said, “Mommy, it's a miracle! Gi-ayo ko ni Kuya Carl (Kuya Carl healed me)!” And he recounted that he asked his Kuya Carl to heal him because his school play is important. And indeed, in his innocent mind, Carl helped him. And maybe he did. He regards Carl as a saint now. How I wish I have the same innocence, else the pain of acceptance won't be that harsh. But thinking about it, Carl has always been a saint to us, in our family.
Blood is always thicker than water, I have learned. When asked, I would always say, “Carl is my cousin” or “Carl is my kuya”. He's not just kuya's best friend but our brother, my Mom and Dad's son, my lola's apo. He was never any different. He was one of us.
Carl loved chocolate-covered donuts. And he loved chocolates. He also loved adventures, traveling and debating with my kuya. He loved cooking, and he would want to take my place everytime I sauté. He loved the smell of onions and garlic. He boasts of his menudo and mind you, he got that recipe from the back of a Del Monte label, and he perfected it to the point that his cooking is much better than where he got it. Beer hates him, he goes red after one glass and will be in bed later without a care in the world. However, it turned out that Carl developed what would turn out to be a lifelong infatuation of smoking. He loved to smoke, much to my father's dismay. But then he was very successful in his smoking craft that he influenced my cousin Bimbo (oh well, with a little of my help) and my brother AG. Not a while later, they formed this Smoker's Gang of sorts. Because of this, I gave the three of them jumbo cigarette-like toys during Christmas. The picture here denotes how they liked my gift at that time.
Carl was my confidante. I told him about a very sensitive personal issue and at that point, I considered him my friend. He just hugged me and said, “Everything will be alright”. He accepted my boyfriend Lito and amidst everyone's knowledge, he told me that as long as I am happy, then everything will be alright. That's Carl. Not only was he my confidante. He was my Kuya's soundboard, my brothers' listening ear, my Mom's chatterbox, my dad's trusted subordinate, my Mama's treasure.
Carl was always present in almost all our family gatherings—graduations, Christmas, birthdays, kabil sessions, inuman sessions, my Kuya's wedding where he was the best man, Gian's baptism and Kuya Bimbo's wedding, or even if there was no occasion. He would just pop in the house and hug my brothers and my sister and just hang out. He would ask for Mama's ginaling and that'd be the day. He was so much a part of our lives that my sister Malyn gave him a pair of slippers last Christmas so that when he goes to our house, he can have his rubber shoes taken off and not worry about finding a pair of slippers. We also awarded him with an “adoption certificate” to officially make him our brother and my parents' son. He would give us all gifts at Christmas and sign it “Merry Christmas, from Carl and Arjo”. He was also the VP for Internal Affairs in our Kabilang Building League because he's noted for his tactful but assertive comments. And yes he is the glue that holds us together.
On my very first Friendster testimonial to Carl, I wrote there, “Ambot mag unsa mi kung wala si Carl sa among kinabuhi (I don't know what we will do without Carl in our lives)”. And with greater intensity, I am wondering the same thing. He was a very very big part of our lives—his selfless sacrifice to our family (most especially when Dad had a stroke, he was there supporting us), his ability to bear pain without complaint, his very assertive attitude, all his jokes (corny or not so corny), his advices, his smile, his friendship, his kasaba, his smoking, his mere presence. All these were the core of his nature.
He was like a child all throughout and without him, God knows how we can ever ever fill that void he left to me and to my family... I hope and pray that all these memories would suffice in lieu of his eternal absence...
Carl, wherever you are, I'd like to tell you SALAMAT for everything, for gracing us with the person that you are, albeit short in earthly terms but very memorable. I love you, we love you with all our hearts. We will strive to continue what you have wished for everyone of us—for Daddy to become better, for the Kabilang Building to stay together, for Arje not to shift any course and to graduate, for Malyn to graduate, for me to get married, for AG and Bimbo not to stop smoking just yet, for Kuya to become a full-pledged engineer, for Kuya and Helen to stay a happy couple, for Gian to grow up healthy, for Mommy and Mama to be healthy all the time, for Nanie to find his true love and for Arjo to become a doctor...
For now, as your 2nd family, we honor you today and everyday. As the song from Dakota Moon goes, “I don't wanna say goodbye but til we meet again.. maybe another place, another time, I don't know when.. But we'll think of you til then, til we meet again....”We all pray that you have found your peace. We will miss you forever, Caparl.. Cablarn, Lrac, Carl... Til then.
Author's Note: Carl died June 29, 2007 3 months and 5 days after his 29th birthday. The night he died, he texted me if I wanted to go with him. I told him I was home already. This eulogy was given July of 2007. Today, I re-live this writing in memory of his birthday March 24. I love you Carl
