Loving the Ninja on Both Sides of Life

For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; til death do us part… Familiar?

I am one of the most blessed women in the world. My husband loved me so much he married me twice in 2009-- April 25 (our churchwedding) and July 11 (ideal garden wedding, supposedly). On both times, he and I vowed certain promises in front of family and friends. They were romantic, cliché to say the least, but knowing that I love him so much, I would promise him anything if I would. Those promises are made so easy when it seemed at that time that nothing could seem to go wrong.

April 25, 2009 Church Wedding

July 11, 2009 Wedding

I still can’t believe it has been less than 3years since we got married. Our promises of commitment have weathered storms with great magnitude and a few earthquakes every now and then, too many, I guess, for us who are just starting our marital life. We have been through so much and have faced life head-on with the same determination when we uttered those promises.

Over what Lito and I have been through, I would like to believe that marriage is not a fairy tale. Ours isn’t. For me, the reality of marriage starts after the vows have been made, when life gives you realistic situations and tests you until you’re numb: essays, multiple choice, etc.  When we promised (twice) in front of family and friends, we uttered those promises based on both sides. We promise to love not just in good times but also in bad. We promise love to be there when there will be wealth or when there will be none left. We promise love not just when we are in the best of health but through the times when our body would betray us.

Lito & I. Jan 1, 2012

And life plays a funny trick sometimes. It flips sides as fast as your eyes can blink. If you see our life in slow motion, none of this seems fair. Just last week, we were celebrating New Year’s Eve together with the family. And a few days after, here we are. Sometimes, I think, there are still so many things to do. Places to visit. Weddings to cover. Articles to write.  Opportunities we still have to venture. But our vows stuck in my mind--- In sickness and in health. Our love was being tested, graded, and if life is an Olympic competition, ours was a workout we could never forget.

Lito & I. 8 days after. Life goes fast.

 My Dad has taught me that the basis for an unwavering commitment to a strong marriage is faith in God. God is good, all the time, he says. When he becomes theoretical like that in the worst of times, I just roll my eyes. But when faced with these storms, I find strength in my Dad’s words. I would like to believe that God is sort of a Dad, too. And He would never let His children go through pain or through anything without a reason, without a purpose. It is a destination not yet known but He is marking our path and this is one of His big markers.

I don’t want you to think based on what you read here that I am taking things lightly or that I am acting like a hero by justifying things just to ease myself from the pain. No. There are days that I falter. I am not perfect, after all. I just mark my emotions and how I see things. Our journey hasn't been easy, Lito and I are not strong all the time but then we ask, "What else can we do,except accept?" Life is not a psychological book or any nosebleed-book for that matter that you can understand right away. Sometimes, you need to put a marker or highlight points you don’t understand and just keep on reading. Perhaps, in the end, it will all make sense.

So right now, this is a marker I am highlighting in our book. We are still far away from the book’s end and if I dwell on some things we don’t understand, question it all the time, cry and wallow every day, I will never be able to go through another page. And for me to move on and have enough strength for Lito and me, I have to keep on reading.

Earlier today, Lito gave us a bit of a scare when he was about to collapse in the bathroom while I was about to give him his bath. Today, he is weak from his chemotherapy but he is not a weak person (thanks to a friend who reminds me of this) for he has fought every day and for every smile he gives me, for every “I love you” that we say to each other, he doesn't know that these are my power boosters, too. A single smile will last me all through our very slow days. 

Lito has always been my source of strength and love, cheering me up when I'm sick, making me laugh at the corniest of jokes, singing to me when my mood needs to be uplifted. This time we're flipping sides. If he'd let me, I will be his source of strength and love and I will take care of him as much like he always does to me. I pray that I will be enough, I pray that I will be as strong as he would be if we were to trade places. 

 As a means of maintaining balance, he held me and we walked back to the bed where he closed his eyes and rested for a bit. I remembered how I held his arm, too, when we walked down that aisle and when we were proclaimed husband and wife—for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish, till death do us part.

I do, every step of the way, on whatever side this life gives us. 

Today's Pics: 

a bruise caused by a small needle pinch. 

thank you to our eldest, Anna Ng. Achi, thank you for this.
He didn't like the hosp lunch and he vomited his bfast. But he devoured this up to the last drop. See pic below. 

Sarap to the last drop. yeyyy. 

dextrose-free for now. for a few mins. his IV needs to be transferred to his right arm to avoid infection. 

my power booster even if our role are switched. I love you. 

ninong Jan, ilaputi food always cheers this Ninja.. salamat once again! 

And to end this blog, I would like to again dedicate a song for my wab.. Both Sides Now originally by Joni Mitchell. I have loved this song and I have never related to it as much as now.. 

I've looked at LOVE from both sides now, from give and take, and still somehow, it's love's illusions i recall, i really don't know love at all...
I've looked at LIFE from both sides now, from win and lose, and still somehow, it's life's illusions i recall, i really don't know life at all...