Self-Declaration: 2012 is The Year of the Ninjas

Last night, Lito and I heard firecrackers and we knew that it's Chinese New Year. We cannot see it from our room so I had to go walk to the corner of our wing and take a glimpse. The childish me leaned forward and I couldn't help but smile. It's that natural feel when you see colorful fires lighting up the sky. Reminds me that amidst the darkness, we can make things bright, colorful and beautiful. 

Being married to Lito who has Chinese written all over their family, I am familiar with the many traditions that they do for New Year. I may not believe these traditions (I don't even believe in our traditions) but it speaks so much of one thing-- faith. I wouldn't dare question the why's behind the how's but to do these things because they believe in them, it's something I respect. So as Non-Chinese, all that would keep my attention are of course fireworks warding off evil spirits. In my mind, there's a very  big and ugly monster running away from the noisy firecrackers, shivering with fear as I run off with more binggala, triangle and watusi hehe... Well, if the Big C is like this monster in my mind, I'd go to every firecracker store in Bankal, purchase them all and stuff all firecrackers up the Big C's mouth.. That should scare him off. Die, Big C, die!!( bwahaha--evil laugh) Hehe... 

So anyway, before my mind wanders again,  Kiong Hee Huat Tsai, Ninjas! 

Today's lucky numbers: 

1- 20- 3- 6- 50- 0

What are these? 

Lotto numbers? (*jot down* *jot down*) 

Not! 

hehehe... 

Let me explain further. 

1

Today marks day 1 of the Chinese New Year-- welcoming the year of the Water Dragon. The Chinese New Year falls on a different date each year because it is based on a combination of lunar and solar movements. 

If this doesn't mean anything to Non-chinese people like me, I'm sure most got more meaning when our President proclaimed this day a national holiday. So, celebration for all! Except for the nurses and all medical staff who are here, even that Customer Service Guy at the billing section who never fails to give their utmost service. Kudos to you all! *clap**clap*

20

pharmacy at CHH. everyday stop point 

Today also marks our 20th day here in our hospital room. 21 days ago, we have heard from Dra. Cabahug herself Lito's diagnosis and what our next action step would be. It seemed like yesterday. Our days here are slow or fast, depending on whose perspective you are asking. Lito's days are slow, he says. He counts them by the needle marks he's gaining. Active as he may be, these are all too new for him and it frustrates him at times to be idle and to be on bed rest. Earlier, his IV insertions were taken so he was free for a moment. I was downstairs in the blood bank. Our doctor found our patient taking  a bath all by himself. He was not supposed to go to the rest room or the bathroom all by himself but he did it because he was so happy for his few minutes of IV-freedom. Hayyyy! Kasab-an sa doctor lagi! Dah! 

As for me, the 20 days passed by in a blur. A day goes by so fast that I wouldn't know it's afternoon or evening already. My days are a routine of elevators, going to pharmacy to greet the mug-ot pharmacists (seriously, your medicines are expensive enough, the least you could do is smile to make us feel better), making kulit in the blood bank, taking care of Lito, going to Cybergate to do grocery and other stuff, updating my blog, doing my EIC job. 

20 days and yet, our little room here in the hospital has become a part of us that I know there are 5 light bulbs, the guy who delivers the newspaper comes here at 5:30am, breakfast at 6am, the medicine list to be bought is given at 9am. The nurses have become our friends and confidantes, the Blood Bank personnel my kulit-mates, the nurse aides our Ate's, the doctors our counselors, the guy who takes the trash is someone I smile to at the ground lobby. Even the pharmacy people and that Customer Service guy at the billing area know me by face. 

We have created relationships here with people who care for Lito and somehow they have become a part of our life. 

3

with Kuya Bimbo, my Mommy Ham and Aday Malyn

Our families are very dear to us. 20days without seeing them (because Lito is on reverse isolation) like we used to is torture. Lito misses his family (most especially his Mom and Dad), our room, his computer, etc. As for me, I miss my family too. Not a week goes by that I don't visit them or talk to them. Maybe because we have gelled up so much with our own problems, too (blog article soon bout this). So 20 days without seeing them or hugging them leaves an ache in my heart and there are times that my Mom's voice is enough to keep me going.  When your light is about to extinguish, somehow God provides a way to make it shine again. Stanly came over to help me take care of Lito (so Lito is very happy to be with his brother) while I tried to oversee the platelet transfusion at the blood bank. Thank you to our donor, HLD who came here on such short notice and a holiday, at that. 

my ultimate best friend at home- my Ham... i love her to bits. 

Today, God's way for me to light up the fire is THREE (3) precious hours to spend time with people very dear to my heart. I get to spend time with my cousin, Kuya Bimbo, who came all the way from Davao. Unplanned, my brother AG texted me that he is with his wife and son Tyty at Cybergate. My mom and sister also came to visit Lito and me.  Everything was unplanned but somehow, we ended up having late lunch together. It has been more than 20days since I last saw my family and most especially my Mom and it made me so happy that I was able to hug her and just be with her and the rest of my family. Although not complete, I am beaming with happiness that I was able to be with them. 

3 hours. But those hours just gave me enough energy boosters to last through more more days. I couldn't thank God enough. 

me with the ever-pinangga Tyty, Ag and Irene

Baby Tyty wants to be a ninja! 

Ninja visits

this smile and these people-- natural power-ups. 

6

final glimpse of my hair-- goodbye for now. 

This number represents the number of inches that has been taken off my hair. Finally, finally, I was able to do that thing that I was planning to do ever since I know he'd lose his hair-- that is to complement his hair loss. I cannot, for the life of me, dare to be bald. I am sorry, especially for those who suggested that I go on Mohawk or semi-bald like Lito. I just can't! But for me who is so neurotic in cutting my hair, this is something. 

Lito never wanted me to be bald anyway. He just wanted that hair of mine during highschool/college. So, his wish is granted. I don't know if I could pull this style in the next few days when my hair would have its own mind and becomes shaggy/wavy all on its own. Whatever it is, I really don't care about how I look. This is just a statement that I am one with him-- in hairstyle or in heart. We're doing this together. So goodbye hair... Hello to the new me. :) 

my documentation manager and I waiting outside Salon de Rose

opted for Annie's instead with the nameless Ate who works hair wonders

50

Ngamsh Stanly with the Master Ninja-- substitute sa nako while I  was in the blood bank

At Lito's recent CBC, he has counted off his 50th needle mark. Customary to the hospital rules, med techs and other staff usually ask Lito his name and birthdate to recheck if they have given the right medicine to the right patient. And because he has lots of laboratory tests already, the lab guys already memorized his name and birthday already. I commend Lito for being so brave with all these needle shots. I could not imagine having to go through one, being scared of needles myself. He even does his RBC booster shots himself. The ninja master is kicking Big C's ass all by himself! Yeah! 

Lito's 50th needle mark

with a smile--- yati ra!

0

HLD-- thank you so much for the platelets

For the first time, I am so happy to see this number. One of the goals of chemotherapy is to lower down Lito's WBC count in the objective that when it decreases, the cancer cell blast will also decrease. This means that chemotherapy will also decrease other blood components as well-- platelets, hemoglobin, etc. until such time that Lito's marrow can produce blood cells (hopefully healthy ones) all on its own. Lowered blood counts will of course put Lito in danger especially when there's bleeding. So we make sure that he won't have any bleeding at all and he should be at bed rest. 

So at this moment, it is but normal that his blood counts are fluctuating and erratic. This is the time as well that transfusions are expected. At 1.7k WBC 3days ago, cancer cell blasts can still be observed. However, today... I have received news that at 1.4k WBC, there was ZERO (O) cancer cell blast. Plus, his hemoglobin went up which means he is responding to RBC boosters, giving him a natural rosy glow on his cheek and lips, unlike the usual pallor on his face. Zero blasts and a non-vampire-looking wab?? Two of the best news ever! 

I have no idea yet if the blasts would stay at zero-level but just knowing that AT THIS MOMENT, there are no blasts, is a sign of development. And we are holding on to every development, be it small or big, or even if doctors do not assure cure. Every tiny bit of God's miracles feed our hope and our faith. 

20days ago, Lito and I wondered--how can we be so unfortunate? After all that has happened, another storm came and hits us big time. And it's no ordinary storm. It's the Big C. We did not ask for his sickness, we were trying to be good people.. why us? It's so ironic to think, even,that he's a health buff and he's the one who got this. We had a lot of questions days ago. 

Now 20 days after, I still wonder but a different kind of wondering this time-- how did we get so lucky? We did not blast off fireworks, ate tikoy, or did anything to bring us luck. Blessings just came pouring right towards us. Our medical bill is also getting very high, we wondered how we will ever pay them,  but somehow, finances come even if we didn't ask for them, in the form of help from parents, donations from groups of people, people abroad who are sharing or transferring funds, anonymous cash donors, blood donors who do not ask anything from us, it's amazing how He provides. 

Plus, these lucky numbers are so lucky I memorize them by heart: 1-20-3-6-50-0

And our lucky charms this year?? They are in the forms of our ninja soldiers, silent prayers, numerous consoling calls, anonymous donations, surprise sharing of finances, power-ups and energy boosters, messages of hope, surprise visits, medical advises. 

Guys, I just cannot put a number with all that you've done for us. I cannot describe how blessed we are with how God shows his miracles every day. It overwhelms me. 

COUNTLESS. NUMBERLESS. PRICELESS. 

new hairstyle!

The Chinese New Year seems to bring good vibes as well-- new hair. new hopes rising.new miracles. In my 2012 message (click here), I've stated that you don't have to wait for New Year to start new beginnings or to wait for luck or blessings. They are just there, waiting everyday for you to appreciate them.That statement still holds true with our experiences here. No amount of lucky numbers or lucky charms could describe the immense love and support we feel. 

New Year- Filipino or Chinese, I really don't have that much belief in all these. But one thing I do believe, though, is that each day brings a fresh new start. Each day that we open our eyes is a blessing, a new opportunity to become instruments of God's love. 

One day at a time. 

In my life, I am declaring this year not that of the Water Dragon (sorry Chinese friends..)  but the year of the Ninjas, the year when the Big C will have its ass kicked, the year that we will prove to the world that together, we are all united in love, prayers, hope and faith and in the belief that God, our Sensei, will never forsake us. 

Thank you, Lord. for everything. 

in sync-- in hairstyle and in heart. We're doing this together.
Kiong Hee Huat Tsai from Lito and me 

Thank you Ninjas. Thank you so much for being with us every step of the way. Lito and I couldn't thank you enough.

With God's grace, this year is for Lito, our Master Ninja.. and for all his ninja soldiers. This is our year. Happy New Year to you, ninjas. Happy New Day every day to all. 

 God bless each and every one of us.