Struck by Lightning

my beautiful Mama and me

I wonder how Star Cinema would portray a love story like that of my grandparents, most especially at the limelight of my grandmother’s side. Our Mama Sising’s patience and perseverance would put the scenes in No Other Woman into shambles. Star Cinema would change her character and eventually, Anne Curtis will wonder if this would be the right role for her.

Mama told us of how Papa was her first and only boyfriend, amongst the many suitors at a time when singing to woo your girl was still existent. This was also that generation where virginity was actually a virtue and there was no social media to back you up, no phone lines for communication. This was a time that one ACTUALLY had to make considerable effort to win the love of your life.

Mama with her girls-- me and Malyn

Papa lived in Naga, Mama in Lapu-Lapu. The Jumao-as sisters were famed to be the most beautiful ones all over town. This was the time when the Japanese invaded Cebu so even Japanese suitors would try to win the hands of these sisters. My Mama’s real name is Josefina, nicknamed Sising, and just to make this story a bit modern and for the heck of making my siblings and cousins laugh at the thought, let’s call her character, Josie.

Josie was the most demure of all. Even with the flock of suitors trying to win her heart, our Papa who was so handsome (really, Spanish written all over his face: Mi amor, te amo!) was the only one who captured her heart.  And again, to spice up the characters, I would like to maintain my Papa’s real name just because it’s cool and seems so buffed-up when you say it: CaRlos (roll your tongue on the R and you get a grizzly feel of the name). Now, due to the distance, Carlos had to bike his way from Naga to Lapu-Lapu just to get a glimpse of Josie. Since it was the time when war was reeking in the air, they didn’t have the freedom to see each other often. Josie had to wait for Carlos for days.

our Papa Carling- CarLos,
during my debut

One day, when Carlos was walking with a Japanese across a rice field, he was struck by lightning. Literally. His head got a bit cracked and he had to be in bed for a period of time. Josie took care of him at his home. Of course, this was rumor-infested because at that time, girls weren’t supposed to go to a guy’s home if they are not married (can’t imagine? Well, seriously, those were the times). Josie had to defy all the rumors with an I-don’t-care-because-I-love-him-attitude. Carlos realized that Josie not only has a beautiful face but the kindest heart as well, so he decided to marry her with bandage all over his face. The lightning not just struck his head, it also seemed to hit his heart and his life.

They both lived happily together, with 6 kids—3 boys and 3 girls, the youngest being my Mom. Carlos worked in an oil company where he was one of the executives, Josie had to take care of the kids and the family business. Needless to say, Carlos being the buffed-up manly guy that he was, living up to his name or maybe it was the effect of the lightning bolt, had a string of flings here and there. But he wasn’t discreet about it.  He used to bring his “girl of the month” at home, introduce it to Josie and Josie would even say hi with a smile.

Mama (left), Papa (right), with
Mommy and Daddy in the middle
the kids (hehe): AG, Nanie, me & Ugly Nino

Asked if she knew about the affairs, she just nodded simply. She even befriended these girls. Funny thing is one of the girls even asked Josie to check out another girl that Carlos was dating. Arggh.. *cringe, cringe* If Carlos would have been my husband and I knew those girls, things wouldn’t have been the same. I cringe more when she says that up to this very day, she is still friends with those girls, the living ones. Those who died along the way, died without any anger from her.

So anyway, long story short. Carlos had an array of girls and Josie just accepted them and Carlos. Carlos stopped all this nonsense when Eve, my Mom, approached him and said, “Dad, don’t you love Mom? Or don’t you love us at all? Why are you being like this?” It was then that another lightning of realization hit him. Well, it was told that he stopped and he stayed with Josie and his family faithfully for the rest of his days.

Okay, this is sooo not the best love story ever, knowing the kiridas are victors and living in full light, not in the sewers where they belong; and cheaters were allowed to cheat. This story has been told to me a thousand times, I guess, and I always rattle on and on about how crazy my Mama was. But every time we talk, I always end up silent as she stood by her principles, different, but clearly, her own. Snippets of our usual conversation when this happens (of course, translated):

Lito and I with a happy Mama

Me: Ma!!!! How could you let Papa do all those things???

Mama: Would I be able to stop him if I told him to? Or if I leave him?

Me: I wouldn’t know but still!!!

Mama: I love him, I don’t want to leave him. I don’t want my kids not to have a father.

Me: Ma, you are such a martyr!!! I couldn’t imagine living like you! How could you be so indifferent???

Mama: Call it whatever you want but I am happy that I do not have hatred in my heart and with no room for hatred, there could be more room for love.

Me: but-but-but!!

Mama: Look, at the end of the day, your Papa stayed with me. He goes home every day knowing that I love him. His conscience was eating him up. I just prayed that somehow he will realize it on his own. Well, he did. Your Mom made him realize that.

Mama: He and I spent a lot of years being happy. He was astray but I accepted him anyway. He realized that I was the only one for him. He died a happy and loved man. I never regretted a thing, loving him the way I wanted.

Me: silent.

Silence was my only shield because there are just no words. I still do not agree with her kind of love. I still don’t. And I couldn’t imagine if that would happen to us. If that would, those girls better pray they wouldn’t see me or else! Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, we do have different approaches on love. Do we have a recipe on how to love? Mama just loved Papa at her own way. Her dreams were simple—to have someone to love and be a person worthy of that love.

True enough, my Papa realized she is so much worthy. I was able to witness this when I was young, them acting like teenagers, laughing their hearts out on a comic movie, holding hands. I witnessed Mama tickling Papa and her sitting on his lap. They would go malling, sharing corn on the cob together, and hold hands while swaying them, laugh at each others’ jokes. I witnessed Papa saying to me when I was pulling out his grey hairs that he was so lucky and blessed beyond belief to have Mama stand by him. I didn’t know the depth of his realization but I understand it now.  They were picture-perfect models of true love, in my young eyes. Had Mama not told me their story, I would never ever have guessed they could have these problems before.

Mama with her children and in-laws: Tita Thelma,
Tita Baby, Mommy, Tita Dolly & Tito Jun (RIP)
  Not in pic:
Tito Raul, Tito Boy (RIP), Tita Menchu, Tito Luis,
Tito Dodong, Daddy and Papa (RIP)

Problems are not problems until you decide that they are. It’s a matter of perception. Life is simple and love is also simple. It is us who makes things complicated, she says, with all our expectations and ideals as to what should be. Isn’t it enough that at the end of the day, you were able to love someone not with the capacity of what you think they should love you back but the ability of how much you can?

I guess one thing I've learned with my Mama is that we can never force in changing a person. All we can do is inspire them to change, be the change that we want them to be. In due time, God will send out lightning bolts of realization for these people. They, in turn, will be the ones to decide to change. I didn’t think unconditional love like this exists, and I cannot imagine having that much strength and love. But my Mama was able to portray this. And I am so proud to be her apo, I am proud to have a very loving woman of a Lola.

As for my Papa who I love dearly also (and who we miss very much), he died in the arms of my Mama, happy, forgiven and changed. God just didn’t give him a headstart with the lightning, He also gave him an angel.

Again, I may not be a big fan of her martyrdom, but hey, she lives life happily and without any anger at all, she spent 50years with her man, she has kids who love her, many grandchildren who love her and who would do anything for her, and she just celebrated her 86^th birthday yesterday, full of health and beauty still.

Hayyy Mama… I may not follow your footsteps but I respect you standing by your take on love and life. May I be at least half the woman that you are and I know, Lito will be a very blessed guy indeed.

Mama with almost complete (direct) fam in Davao

Thank you Mama. I may not be in your birthday celebration but you are in my thoughts and in my heart.  I love you and we love you very much